It is true what they say; failure does, in fact, lead to success. A quote I’ve lived by for the past two years, but sometimes, after so many failures, you begin to wonder if that’s actually true. Is everyone meant to succeed? Will everyone eventually have their time to shine? At least I wondered that, anyway. Finding a job has been a tedious task, to say the least…especially in the past two years.
Being a college student, it’s only natural to want to work, make your own money, and gain independence to prepare yourself for the real, adult world. But for me, just finding a part-time job seemed next to impossible. Every application I turned in, and every interview I went on seemed like playing the lottery. Being a young adult in her early 20’s with her only job experience being a three month long summer job in New York three years ago, where my aunt was the manager, I wasn’t exactly in “high-demand,” if you will. The fact that I’m also barley 80 pounds, four foot, eight inches, have quite severe scoliosis, and look like I’m about thirteen year old, didn’t help much, either. Managers tended to not take me seriously because of how young I looked and my physical disabilities. I just needed someone to look past my physical qualities. They didn’t affect my work ethic, or my skill…they’re just physical. Other than that, I’m a normal person, who lives her life…well, normally. I can do anything anyone else can, and have just as much work ethic as anyone else. I’m a very independent person, and I’ve never been one to let a silly disability that effects nothing but my height get in my way. I just needed that one chance, that one manager, to see past that, and see me for who I really am.
So for the past two years, I struggled. Relying on my parents, and sometimes even very generous friends to help me financially. I hated that; I felt like I burden. I didn’t want to be that girl who just mooched off everyone around me. While all my friends were out working, I was sitting at home, alone, by myself feeling like a loser with no life. And with parents who constantly put me down for not working, like it was something I chose, it really put a damper on my self esteem.
For the past two years, a very, very generous, kind, and helpful friend of mine has helped me SO much in trying to find a job. From recruiting me to potential employers, helping me fill out applications, giving me tips and advice for job interviews, tough-love, and really just encouraging me to keep trying and reminding me that failure does lead to success, and that one day, God is going to give me the perfect job for me. And that honestly meant so much.
After an almost two year feat, last week, my friend, who works at Starbucks, texted me and told me to fill out an application to the new Starbucks location opening up in our area. The manager of that store, is temporarily working at his store, until the new location opens up. He talked to her about me, and I filled out the application. Within 30 minutes of submitting it online, I got a phone call from the manager asking me to come in for an interview later on in the week. The interview went great, and the managers made me feel really comfortable.Two days later, I got a phone call from her saying that I got the job! FINALLY! I was so excited…and didn’t really believe it at first…I had been waiting TWO YEARS for this day, and was finally here!
I instantly called my friend and told him the good news and he shared just as much excitement as I did. We finally did it! I say “we” because I do believe that he’s been such a big part of my journey in finding a job and I don’t think I could have done it without him. I believe that God helped me find a job through him, and I’m so thankful. Not for just landing me a job, but for being there for me along the way and encouraging me to keep trying, not to give up, and reminding me that God will give me the right job at the right time; that my moment will eventually come, and that sometimes failure makes the best success stories.
It’s not the “success” that makes people inspired; it’s the journey, the rocky road, the roller coaster, and the failure that all come first that make the story, and make it inspirational. God doesn’t just hand out success; he won’t give you anything that you can’t handle, so you just have to put your trust and faith into him and know that he WILL give you what is best for you when the timing is right. You just need a little patience. Two years ago, I don’t think I could have handled this, really…I don’t think I was mentally ready. But I am now. God does know what he’s doing. You just have to trust. I’m a little scared, and nervous, but I’m also excited and I can’t wait to see where this takes me. I hope it’s a good, and most importantly, a happy journey for me. If you’re struggling with a similar situation, just remember, eventually failure does lead to success. It may take time, but just have faith and believe that when the timing is right, it WILL happen for you when it’s meant to be. It took me two years, but I finally did it. And you can, too! I believe in you. My friend was right, and I’m SO thankful for everything he’s done for me to help make my career goals a reality.
I’m pretty smart with my money…I would most definitely NOT blow it on useless, stupid crap, or use it as an excuse not to work, or finish school. A million dollars would NOT last me a lifetime…and even if it did, I still want to make something of myself and follow my dreams and goals. I’m not gonna just be a bum and do nothing with my life. How stupid?! I still want to be successful in life. I think I would actually put money into my education and jump starting my career and life goals. That’d be the first thing I would probably do. I’d also move out of my parents house sometime in the near future and buy myself a little house, or even rent an apartment, so I’d use some money for that, so that I can learn be on my own and live as a real adult. I’d definitely help out my parents because we’re financially struggling pretty badly and are up to our necks in medical bills. The rest of the money, I’d invest, and put in the bank, and save it to put it towards my future. Not the most exciting answer, I know. No mansions, no fancy cars, no crazy shopping sprees…I’d be very realistic and smart, and prepare for the rest of my life by putting it towards my life goals. :))
So obviously, this isn’t going to be everything I’d like to do before I die, but this is definitely just a few things I’d like to do, see, or accomplish. Some of these things are pretty random, and silly, but they’re just little things that came to my mind. Some of these things probably won’t ever happen, but like I said, they’re just fun little things I think would be pretty cool to see, do, or accomplish. :))
Oh, and these are in no particular order…
- Graduate from college with my Bachelors in Mass Communications
- Have a successful, fulfilling career that I LOVE in the film, production, media, or journalism industry.
- Move out of Florida and to a beautiful place that I love.
- Get married
- Have children.
- Change/influence someone’s life for the better.
- Travel everywhere on my “places to travel to” list from yesterday’s post.
- Have something I’ve written published.
- Teach something important to someone.
- Adopt a Dalmatian puppy.
- Visit a movie set.
- Ride in a hot air balloon.
- Take a major risk.
- Be independent enough to support myself.
- Go on a cruise.
- Have a white Christmas.
- Build a snowman.
- Swim in the Pacific Ocean.
- Enhance my artistic abilities.
- Do something no one would expect of me.
- Make a difference in the world.
- Go parasailing.
- Scuba dive.
- Take a road trip without a set destination…just drive wherever the road takes me.
- Spend a whole night sleeping under the stars.
- Go to Mardi Gras.
- Have a bonfire…I’ve never even been to one before. How lame?! haha.
- Start a slow clap…just because. haha.
- Be able to spoil the ones I love. I love buying gifts for the people I love, or treating them to random surprises. I’d love to be able to financially afford to do so.
- Own my dream home.
- Fix my teeth.
- Go to a lake house getaway.
- Try every flavor of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream.
- Eat at a five star restaurant.
- Play hide and seek at Ikea…it just looks fun. hahah.
- Take a road trip down Route 66.
- Own a beach house.
- Go kayaking.
- Stay in a five star hotel.
- Be able to own something nice for myself…a nice piece of jewelry, or a nice bag. I never treat myself to anything nice or expensive.
- Own my own business…even if it’s just a small one.
- Try and dabble in everything until I find my one, true passion in life.
- Fly on a private jet.
- Go to a wine tasting.
- Become completely in touch with who I really am.
- Live a long, happy, fulfilling life. :))
Day 8: If you could have any job in the world, what would it be?
I’m honestly not sure what my “dream job” would be, or what I’d like to do. When I was younger, I really wanted to be an actress, so badly. I’d spend hours online every night searching for casting calls in my area, when I came across an open casting for an agency in Orlando one day when I was 14. I took down the information, told my mom, and we made plans to go to the casting. We brought in headshots, and a few different outfits like the casting called for and there I met with the agent. I was super excited and wanted this so badly. She asked me a bunch of questions and looked at my photos, and then told me that because of my physical disabilities, acting probably wouldn’t work out for me because it is such an image based industry and that it would be hard to find roles. Needless to say, I wasn’t signed, and yeah, I was devastated, but at the same time I always kind of knew that in the back of my mind, and I understood. I still do think acting would be a lot of fun, but let’s be realistic here. I’d still love to do something that involves kind of that industry. Something in the film, or production industry would be amazing! Or something involving the media, or journalism…maybe writing for a magazine! I really don’t know. I’d even be happy working for a local broadcast news station, or as a radio broadcaster. I just want to do something fun and exciting every day that allows me to meet and communicate with a lot of people. I want each day to be new and exciting. And I don’t want to be stuck behind a desk all day, every day. I’d also love to be able to use my career as a platform to use my voice to make a difference and impact people and help people. I want to make a mark and make a difference. I want to inspire and create. And no matter what, I want to be happy. Above anything else. :))
Well, it’s definitely hard to predict the future, and although I have goals, ambitions, and hopes now, that doesn’t necessarily mean I’m going to want those same things in ten years, nor does it mean that it’s going to happen. Unfortunately we can’t map or choose our own lives…we can do things that help us achieve our goals and wishes, but in the end, fate takes all control, and if it’s not written in the books for you, well then it’s not gonna happen. God is going to stick to whatever he has planned for you and we just have to accept that. Anyway, with that being said, it’s still amazing to set goals and ambitions for yourself and to follow your dreams. I think everyone needs to have goals and ambitions that they want to pursue and achieve, and work hard to get. And although these things may or may not happen within the next ten years, this is where I see myself…or hope to see myself, anyway…
So in ten years I’ll be 32…
- Well for starters, I hope I’m still alive in the next ten years! I know that sounds morbid, but hey, anything could happen, so yeah, being alive would definitely be a good start. Haha.
- I see myself graduated from college with a bachelor’s degree in Mass Communications.
- Definitely living somewhere that’s not Florida. I’m not sure where yet, but preferably somewhere with cooler weather and less humidity.
- Having a successful career that I love in the media, broadcasting, film, or journalism industry.
- I definitely hope to be married by the time I’m 32.
- Maybe even have a child…or at least planning to. I definitely want children in life and I definitely would like to have them by my mid 30’s.
- Living in a nice, cozy home. Ten years might be too soon to ask for my dream home, but again, who knows?
- This one is kind of obvious, but more mature, wise, and “together” in life.
- Maybe have some more worldly knowledge…I want to travel to a lot of different places, so hopefully I get the chance to visit at least a couple of the places I’d like to go to within the next ten years.
- Healthy. I really hope I’m able to maintain my health in the next ten years.
- Most of all, whatever happens, and wherever life takes me in the next ten years, I really just hope I’m happy with wherever I am, and whichever path I go in life. I don’t want any regrets, and I just hope I use the next ten years as a building block and continue to learn, grow and mature. :))
It’s funny how things that happen in our past and childhood can condition the way we think, or how we act, even into adulthood. It’s crazy that even as a 22 year old college student, the things I experienced in elementary and middle school still affect my mindset today. Growing up as a child, I didn’t have tons of friends. I was bullied pretty badly, and although it’s been 10+ years since I went through that, I still am kind of weird about meeting new people. I’m not shy in the least bit, and I love meeting people, but, when it comes to initiating a friendship, in the back of my mind I still find myself thinking “what if this person doesn’t want to be my friend and is only being nice to me because they don’t want to be rude?” “What if I annoy this person?” “What if asking this person to hangout is overstepping my boundaries?”
Now, I’m much better than I used to be, and I really don’t have that problem anymore. I’m much more confident than I was in high school and even my first couple years of college…and I don’t really have a problem with initiating friendships. BUT, now, the main issue lies in once I’ve already established a friendship with someone. See, I’m notorious for having pretty crappy friends…there’s only a VERY select few people I’ve ever had in my life that I would actually consider a good, and real friend. Hence, why I’m so guarded now. In my past, some of these “friends” I’ve had would actually be extremely mean to me, talk to me like crap, use me, and really hurt my feelings. I remember friends telling me to stop asking them to hang out, or to stop calling them because I was “clingy” for wanting to hangout with them and that they “had enough of me,” and I was “annoying.” Mind you, this was coming from the person I considered my best friend. Since then, I’m always worried about coming across as annoying to my friends. I never want to lose a friendship because they thought I was annoying to too clingy again because it really does feel awful.
You see, because of events from my childhood, I always have this fear that the people I’m close to always mean more to me, than I do to them. It it’s pretty humiliating once you find out that you obviously didn’t mean as much to them as they did to you. So in order for that not to happen, I have a tendency to pretend like I don’t care about the people in my life as much as I really do. I get awkward and I don’t tend to let them know how much they truly mean to me. I back off and become passive and let them take the initiative to talk to me, hangout with me, etc. because I have this idiotic mindset that if they wanted to see me or talk to me, they would. And I do this with everyone. Even the people closest to me, who I know actually really do care about me a lot. It still scares me that they mean more to me. I don’t want to ever overstep my boundaries with someone, so I guess I just understep them, if that makes sense. And that’s bad. Really bad. Because eventually my friends are going to think I don’t care about them, or that they care more about me than I do them, when that’s actually not the case at all. And then they’ll either getting up hurt, like my childhood friends hurt me, or they’ll just get tired of being friends with someone they think doesn’t care and just remove themselves from my life. And I don’t want that. And it’s weird…the closer I am with someone, the worse I am, and the more I try to pretend I don’t care.
I guess maybe I’m just a little scared of being unguarded and growing close to someone. And I wish I wasn’t. See what I’ve done here? I’ve created such a mess. And I need to stop. I need to forget about my childhood and not let the bad people in my life back then affect the way I think today. Because I’m DEFINITELY not the same person I was back then. At all. I’m a million times more confident, mature, and happy and I need to change that stupid, stupid mindset. And I’m trying to. I’m working on it. And I’m trying to make an effort, no matter how uncomfortable it makes me at first. And I do see myself improving. I’ll get there.