I’m not perfect…

I’m clumsy, I’m awkward, I stutter, and most of the time, I’m a hot mess. I’m loud, I’m messy, and sometimes I’m lazy. I don’t wake up looking like a supermodel…actually, I don’t think all the makeup, or hair stylists in the world could make me look like a supermodel. I get emotional, and sometimes I cry. I make mistakes, and as much as I like to think I have it all together, sometimes I don’t. I don’t know everything, and sometimes I’m insecure. But that’s okay. Because I’m human. And people aren’t perfect, nor am I trying to be. Sure, there are some things I need to work on, but most of it, I can’t change, it’s just me and a part of who I am. And that’s okay. And if I’m not good enough for you, then don’t even bother talking to me. Because I don’t change myself to fit ANYONE’S standards. And that’s final.


30 Day Blog Challenge Day 20: Things You Like and Dislike About Yourself!

I wasn’t really given a specific number of things to talk about, so I figured I’d just do ten for each. I wasn’t sure if these were supposed to be physical traits, or personality traits, so it’s just going to be a little mix of everything. So, I’ll start with the things that I dislike, and end with the positive! :))

Things I dislike about myself:

  1. My tendency to overthink  everything. I’m always over-analyzing and putting way too much thought into everything…it sometimes causes me to jump to conclusions, and I end up stressing and freaking myself out for no reason. I’m trying to work on that.
  2. I curse wayyy too much. It’s gotten really bad and to the point that I don’t even realize I’m doing it. I’m trying to cut down on my swearing because I think swearing a lot makes you sound really trashy and unintelligent. It’s awful.
  3. My body. I’ve been through this before on my body image posts, but I just really don’t like the way it makes me look. I have zero curves, I’m disproportionate, my back/torso is deformed thanks to my scoliosis, and I’m way too skinny. I feel like I’m stuck in the body of a prepubescent ten year old boy. Not cute. I just want to feel like a woman.
  4. My tendency to pretend that I don’t care about people as much as I really do in fear that they don’t care about me as much as I care about them. I won’t go into too much detail because I have a whole post about that here. Again, I’m trying to work on that.
  5. My teeth. I hate my gap, and I have cavities in the front that I really need to get fixed. My teeth make me feel very unattractive and I plan to get them fixed as soon as I can afford it!
  6. I feel like a bum because I’m 22 and I don’t have a job. It’s something that I’m really insecure about because I really want to support my own self and be independent, but I can’t. I feel like a 16 year old having to rely on my parents for my financial needs. I cannot wait for the day when I can pay for my own phone bill, and my car insurance, and pay my parents back for my car. Not to mention be able to hang out with my friends and do whatever I want without feeling like I’m a mooch because I don’t have any money. It just makes me feel like I’m not really doing anything with myself and really crappy about myself and like a loser. I want to make something of myself and be independent. =/
  7. I have a tendency to be a bit suborn. And I don’t necessarily think that’s always a bad thing, but sometimes it can be. It sometimes takes me awhile to see things in a new and better light, and takes a lot of convincing. I have gotten a LOT better about that, though.
  8. Now this is something I’ve come a LONG way on, and I’m MUCH, MUCH better than I used to be…but I’m still not completely there on it. Being assertive. I used to pretty much be a pushover back in highschool, and I would worry about not wanting to be mean, so I’d let myself get walked all over and people took advantage of me…I FINALLY got over that, but struggled with being very passive. Speaking my mind was something that was very difficult for me, and I am SOOOOO much better than I used to be. I’ve come such a long way. But I’m still working on it a bit. There’s still some things that I probably should speak my mind about, but don’t. I’m working on that, though!
  9. My indecisiveness. I usually have a hard time making up my mind, or deciding what I want. It’s kind of annoying, and I wish it was a lot simpler to just chose. Again, I’m working on it.
  10. I tend to be super hard on myself and I don’t give myself enough credit sometimes, and I have gotten a whole lot better with that, too, but I still tend to be a bit self critical and beat myself up about things. And in my mind I know that half the things I think about myself aren’t true, but I guess I just am a bit of a perfectionist. I’m really trying to be better with that, as well.

Things I like about myself:

  1. I know I’m a good person. I’m genuine, kind, well mannered, real, and moral. I love that about myself. I have a lot of qualities that people seem to lack in today’s day in age. I’m glad that I don’t. Even though I was raised to have some opposite qualities, like being rude and judgemental…I became my own person. And I love that.
  2. My weirdness. Who wants to be normal?! Normal is boring…I love being strange. 😉
  3. My hair. My hair used to be one of my least favorite physical features, but it’s come a longgg way in the past year, and now it’s one of my favorites! :))
  4. My confidence and self acceptance. Again, I’ve talked about this a few times before, but I love that despite my insecurities, I still have my confidence. I accept myself regardless and I recognize the things I can and can’t change about myself. In a way, I love my insecurities because they help make me who I am today. I’m SO glad that people’s opinions of me don’t phase me at all and that I will never feel sorry for myself.
  5. My scars. I have a bunch of scars on my body, but a few very prominent ones that I love; the one on my back from my back surgeries, the one down my whole torso from a bunch of surgeries I had when I was little, and my “second belly button,” from my feeding tube. I absolutely LOVE my scars and I’d never get rid of them. I actually had the option to get them lasered off, and to make my feeding tube scar less noticeable, but I didn’t want that. I’ve had those scars for as long as I can remember and they’re apart of me. They help remind me that I’m a survivor and that I beat the odds; that I truly am blessed. They’re my battle wounds and I love them. I’d never not want to have them.
  6. My eyes. I used to hate my brown eyes. I used to want green eyes…so badly that I even once researched eye color replacement surgery…haha. Yeah. Crazy, I know. But I love my brown eyes, now. I think they’re really pretty and unique because they’re almost like an orangey/golden color. I’d never even wear colored contacts now.
  7. My independence. I’ve always loved the fact that I’m able to do things myself. I never wanted any special treatment, or accommodations growing up. Because of my disabilities, everyone always wanted to do everything for me…most people with curves in their spines as bad as mine was typically can’t even walk and are in wheelchairs. They’re in special programs at school and are secluded from the rest of the main population at school…I never wanted that to be me. I wanted to be as normal as possible. I wanted to be a normal kid. So I did just that. I declined any help and learned to do things on my own and I was able to go through school completely normal. Most people didn’t even know there was anything wrong with me. That taught me from an early age to be independent and do that for myself. I don’t need anyone to take care of me…and although sometimes it is nice to have someone kind of take care of you a bit, especially in your times of need, for the most part, I like to do things for myself. I make my own success, I want to support myself, etc. I’m proud of that.
  8. I’m very creative. I always have been. The thought of creating something out of nothing has always appealed to me. When I was little, I would always enjoy crafts, and making things. I’d spend hours drawing, writing stories, and sneaking into my stepmom’s room and playing with her makeup. That continued as I got older…I still write, experiment and play with makeup, have fun with clothing and fashion, and I even do graphic and web design now. I guess I am a bit of an artist, and while I may not be super talented in all things art, I still enjoy it, and I still like that I enjoy it. Creative people fascinate me and inspire me. I’m glad that I can be considered creative, too.
  9. I’m pretty funny…or so I like to think. Hahah. I have a great sense of humor and, I mean, I make myself laugh…so I hope I make other people laugh as well? Lol. But thank God I’m not one of those boring people who can’t laugh at anything. Blah. Haha.
  10. I don’t really get embarrassed…and I think that’s an awesome thing. I’m able to laugh at myself when I do something stupid, or what’s typically considered embarrassing and just brush it off. I’ve wiped out down whole flights of stairs at school, walked around with two different shoes on, had my desk fall on top of me in the middle of class, and probably a million other things that most people would be typically embarrassed by…and I just am able to laugh at myself and make light of the situation. I’ve always been able to laugh at myself and make fun of myself; even my insecurities. There’s no need to take those kinds of situations and make them into something big that they don’t need to be. Life’s too short, just enjoy it. :))

Ten steps to self esteem:

1. Know yourself.
2. Understand what makes you feel great.
3. Recognize things that get you down.
4. Set goals to achieve what you want.
5. Develop trusting friendships that make you feel good.
6. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
7. Stand up for your beliefs and values.
8. Help someone else.
9. Take responsibility for your own actions.
10. Take good care of yourself.