There’s been something that I’ve really been considering lately, and I’m beginning to become very set on. I was born with pretty severe scoliosis; I have two curves, so my spine makes an “S” shape. At it’s worse, my spine was at about an 80 degree at the bottom and a 70 at the top. I wore a back brace for about ten years, and I received two surgeries to correct it. My first surgery was when I was 13. They put in a temporary rod in my spine, along with some pins. When I was 15 I received my second surgery where they put in two new, permanent rods in my spine, with 26 pins. I also received spinal fusion. After that surgery my curves improved by 10 degrees, so I now have a 70 degree at the bottom and a 60 at the top, and while that’s some improvement, it’s not really much, and quite frankly, I’d really like it to be better. My body is still uneven, disproportional, and lopsided, and although I don’t suffer from pain, it’s still really not something I’m happy with. I’ve heard of cases where doctors have improved patents’ spines from 60 degree curves to 30 degree curves! That REALLY sparked my interest; if I could improve my spine by 30 degrees, I would be INSANELY happy! I could go from a 60/70 to a 30/40! I know people who have 30 degree curves and you can hardly tell they even have scoliosis! This sounds extremely appealing to me and having only a 30 degree curve is a dream come true for me.
However, because my spine is already fused, I thought the possibility of correcting my spine even more was impossible and that it was just a dream I needed to put to rest. I’ve been actually researching to see if it maybe it is possible…and turns out it is! They would have to do what is called a fusion revision, and it is a little bit more risky than the first two surgeries. My chances of coming out of surgery paralyzed are a bit higher, but if I can straighten out my spine, it’s almost a risk I’m willing to take. That’s how bad I want this. I still don’t know for sure if it’s possible but I want to meet with a few different doctors, get some x-rays and see what they say, and if I’m cleared to get this fusion revision and the doctor thinks he can improve my spine even more, I think I’m definitely going to take the surgery. Of course, it may be a little bitter sweet, as my scoliosis has always been a part of me, and things like being extremely short due to my curve, and being able to touch my knees without even bending over because of my short torso and long arms, are kind of like my “trademarks” in a way. They’re little things I’ve learned to love about myself, and of course after the surgery, if it’s successful, I’ll gain quite a few inches and my torso would be longer, so my arms will no longer reach my kneecaps. lol. I’ve never been one to feel sorry for myself and always have made light of my imperfections due to scoliosis…and although I do dislike them, part of me does love them because they are a part of me. But still, I’ve always wanted this. I’ve always wanted to feel comfortable in my own body. Now I know this is a bit contradictory, and hypocritical of my last post…but technically this is a medical condition. This should have been fixed years, and years ago. Let’s just say I haven’t had the best luck with doctors. My back should have never even gotten this bad if the correct treatments were given when I was young. I don’t hate my body because of it…am I unsatisfied with it? Yes. But I don’t hate myself because of it. I don’t feel sorry for myself. And I’m not doing this surgery because I’m seeking happiness. I am happy exactly the way I am. I just want to fix my back as much as possible, and maybe make myself a little more proportional. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. I wan’t this to work out so badly and the only thing I can really do is hope and pray that it does. If it doesn’t work out, though, and I can’t get the surgery, I’m not going to cry about it…I’ll be a little bummed, but I’ll just accept the fact that it isn’t meant to be and go on with my life. No big deal. I just have to trust that everything will happen the way it’s supposed to. We’ll see where this goes for me, but I’m extremely excited and I cannot wait! :))