Despite the fact I consider myself a confident person, and that I’ve never cared about what people think of me, I’ve always struggled with body image issues. They come and go, and some days are better than others, but it’s always been something that’s bothered me. Because I was born with pretty severe scoliosis, my body has never exactly been the most “normal” looking, so to speak. My torso is super short, making me super short; I’m disproportionate; and it’s kind of “deformed” looking. Not to mention I’m super thin and I have no curves, and yeah, I feel like a little girl. There’s nothing “womanly” about my body and I feel like I’m an almost 22 year old woman, trapped inside the body of a nine year old little girl. And I hate that. I still think highly of myself, and I still love myself, and I still have many other things about myself that I’m super secure and confident in, but that doesn’t mean I can’t have insecurities, too.
A while back, I posted about possibly getting another back surgery to possibly fix my scoliosis and straighten out my back further, making it more proportional, me taller, and maybe giving me some sort of figure. I started my research and started looking for doctors who could do the surgery and who had high success rates. But the surgery would be a VERY risky one, and I started thinking…is it really worth going through all that, and worth the possible risk of paralyzation just to look better? Is this really any different than plastic surgery? I mean, my scoliosis really causes no medial threats, and I don’t suffer from any pain…so really, in my mind, it was no different that plastic surgery. Why put myself through all of that just to look better? It’s kind of silly, really. I’ve ever been an advocate for plastic surgery, and although technically this wouldn’t be plastic surgery, in my case, it would be done for cosmetic only purposes and I didn’t feel okay about that.
Why can’t I just accept myself for the way I am? I’ve lived my life happily for almost 22 years like this…and this is who I am. This is me. I don’t need surgery to feel better about myself. I don’t need to put myself through pain and a huge risk just to simply feel attractive. It’s stupid. This is me, and this is who I am, and I need to embrace that. Everyone has insecurities and everyone struggles with body image, but you shouldn’t change what you’re born with because it’s obviously that way for a reason. Am I saying that I suddenly love my body? No, because honestly, I don’t. But I accept it and I’m going to embrace it because this is who I am, and I should be proud of that.