Coming to terms with the fact that one of the things that you want more than anything will probably never happen, is one of the hardest things…so hard, in fact, that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to lose hope for it. It just sucks because part of me knows I’m wasting my time waiting for pigs to fly, but I want this. SO badly. And I feel so strongly that this is right for me, but so far, it doesn’t look like it’s ever going to happen…and that scares me.
It is true what they say; failure does, in fact, lead to success. A quote I’ve lived by for the past two years, but sometimes, after so many failures, you begin to wonder if that’s actually true. Is everyone meant to succeed? Will everyone eventually have their time to shine? At least I wondered that, anyway. Finding a job has been a tedious task, to say the least…especially in the past two years.
Being a college student, it’s only natural to want to work, make your own money, and gain independence to prepare yourself for the real, adult world. But for me, just finding a part-time job seemed next to impossible. Every application I turned in, and every interview I went on seemed like playing the lottery. Being a young adult in her early 20’s with her only job experience being a three month long summer job in New York three years ago, where my aunt was the manager, I wasn’t exactly in “high-demand,” if you will. The fact that I’m also barley 80 pounds, four foot, eight inches, have quite severe scoliosis, and look like I’m about thirteen year old, didn’t help much, either. Managers tended to not take me seriously because of how young I looked and my physical disabilities. I just needed someone to look past my physical qualities. They didn’t affect my work ethic, or my skill…they’re just physical. Other than that, I’m a normal person, who lives her life…well, normally. I can do anything anyone else can, and have just as much work ethic as anyone else. I’m a very independent person, and I’ve never been one to let a silly disability that effects nothing but my height get in my way. I just needed that one chance, that one manager, to see past that, and see me for who I really am.
So for the past two years, I struggled. Relying on my parents, and sometimes even very generous friends to help me financially. I hated that; I felt like I burden. I didn’t want to be that girl who just mooched off everyone around me. While all my friends were out working, I was sitting at home, alone, by myself feeling like a loser with no life. And with parents who constantly put me down for not working, like it was something I chose, it really put a damper on my self esteem.
For the past two years, a very, very generous, kind, and helpful friend of mine has helped me SO much in trying to find a job. From recruiting me to potential employers, helping me fill out applications, giving me tips and advice for job interviews, tough-love, and really just encouraging me to keep trying and reminding me that failure does lead to success, and that one day, God is going to give me the perfect job for me. And that honestly meant so much.
After an almost two year feat, last week, my friend, who works at Starbucks, texted me and told me to fill out an application to the new Starbucks location opening up in our area. The manager of that store, is temporarily working at his store, until the new location opens up. He talked to her about me, and I filled out the application. Within 30 minutes of submitting it online, I got a phone call from the manager asking me to come in for an interview later on in the week. The interview went great, and the managers made me feel really comfortable.Two days later, I got a phone call from her saying that I got the job! FINALLY! I was so excited…and didn’t really believe it at first…I had been waiting TWO YEARS for this day, and was finally here!
I instantly called my friend and told him the good news and he shared just as much excitement as I did. We finally did it! I say “we” because I do believe that he’s been such a big part of my journey in finding a job and I don’t think I could have done it without him. I believe that God helped me find a job through him, and I’m so thankful. Not for just landing me a job, but for being there for me along the way and encouraging me to keep trying, not to give up, and reminding me that God will give me the right job at the right time; that my moment will eventually come, and that sometimes failure makes the best success stories.
It’s not the “success” that makes people inspired; it’s the journey, the rocky road, the roller coaster, and the failure that all come first that make the story, and make it inspirational. God doesn’t just hand out success; he won’t give you anything that you can’t handle, so you just have to put your trust and faith into him and know that he WILL give you what is best for you when the timing is right. You just need a little patience. Two years ago, I don’t think I could have handled this, really…I don’t think I was mentally ready. But I am now. God does know what he’s doing. You just have to trust. I’m a little scared, and nervous, but I’m also excited and I can’t wait to see where this takes me. I hope it’s a good, and most importantly, a happy journey for me. If you’re struggling with a similar situation, just remember, eventually failure does lead to success. It may take time, but just have faith and believe that when the timing is right, it WILL happen for you when it’s meant to be. It took me two years, but I finally did it. And you can, too! I believe in you. My friend was right, and I’m SO thankful for everything he’s done for me to help make my career goals a reality.
I feel like it’s been awhile…since sometime last year, that I felt truly good about life. I don’t think I’ve really had any “amazing” days yet in 2013. I’m ready for something amazing to happen. Please. I need this. I want to be completely happy again. I’m tired of subpar.
“I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life. I’ve learned that making a ‘living’ is not the same thing as making a ‘life.’ I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn. I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
Well, I kind of touched on this on my “Where Do You See Yourself in Ten Years” post, so hopefully this post isn’t too redundant. But basically, I just hope my future is a happy one. That’s all I want in life, is to be happy. I don’t want to look back on my life and regret and not be satisfied with where I am in life. I really hope I’m a lot wiser than I am now, and confident. Not saying that I’m stupid and insecure now, because I’m not at all, but I believe that as you age, you become even more confident, and more wise. I just want to learn all I can. I want to have my crap together. I’d like to have a family of my own…married with a couple children. Living in a nice, cozy, beautiful home in a beautiful location…that’s not Florida. I really hope that all my hard work pays off. I want to have a career that I love. I want to enjoy going to work everyday…I never want going to work to be something I dread. I hope that I can make a difference in people’s lives. I’d like to be financially stable and comfortable. I want to be able to help provide my family with what we need, and have some extra “fun money,” too, so that we can go out and enjoy ourselves, and buy extra, fun things. I’m not saying I want to be rich…just stable and comfortable. I want my family and I to be healthy. Health has always been something that’s prominent in my family, and I hope that in the future, my family and I won’t have to worry about health. I hope that I have a few close friends in my life who I can trust, and count on. That’s always been a big thing for me. I don’t like having a lot of people close to me, but I think having just a few is almost necessary. Like I said, most importantly, I just want to be happy, healthy, and comfortable in my future. Above anything else.
I’m pretty smart with my money…I would most definitely NOT blow it on useless, stupid crap, or use it as an excuse not to work, or finish school. A million dollars would NOT last me a lifetime…and even if it did, I still want to make something of myself and follow my dreams and goals. I’m not gonna just be a bum and do nothing with my life. How stupid?! I still want to be successful in life. I think I would actually put money into my education and jump starting my career and life goals. That’d be the first thing I would probably do. I’d also move out of my parents house sometime in the near future and buy myself a little house, or even rent an apartment, so I’d use some money for that, so that I can learn be on my own and live as a real adult. I’d definitely help out my parents because we’re financially struggling pretty badly and are up to our necks in medical bills. The rest of the money, I’d invest, and put in the bank, and save it to put it towards my future. Not the most exciting answer, I know. No mansions, no fancy cars, no crazy shopping sprees…I’d be very realistic and smart, and prepare for the rest of my life by putting it towards my life goals. :))
So obviously, this isn’t going to be everything I’d like to do before I die, but this is definitely just a few things I’d like to do, see, or accomplish. Some of these things are pretty random, and silly, but they’re just little things that came to my mind. Some of these things probably won’t ever happen, but like I said, they’re just fun little things I think would be pretty cool to see, do, or accomplish. :))
Oh, and these are in no particular order…
- Graduate from college with my Bachelors in Mass Communications
- Have a successful, fulfilling career that I LOVE in the film, production, media, or journalism industry.
- Move out of Florida and to a beautiful place that I love.
- Get married
- Have children.
- Change/influence someone’s life for the better.
- Travel everywhere on my “places to travel to” list from yesterday’s post.
- Have something I’ve written published.
- Teach something important to someone.
- Adopt a Dalmatian puppy.
- Visit a movie set.
- Ride in a hot air balloon.
- Take a major risk.
- Be independent enough to support myself.
- Go on a cruise.
- Have a white Christmas.
- Build a snowman.
- Swim in the Pacific Ocean.
- Enhance my artistic abilities.
- Do something no one would expect of me.
- Make a difference in the world.
- Go parasailing.
- Scuba dive.
- Take a road trip without a set destination…just drive wherever the road takes me.
- Spend a whole night sleeping under the stars.
- Go to Mardi Gras.
- Have a bonfire…I’ve never even been to one before. How lame?! haha.
- Start a slow clap…just because. haha.
- Be able to spoil the ones I love. I love buying gifts for the people I love, or treating them to random surprises. I’d love to be able to financially afford to do so.
- Own my dream home.
- Fix my teeth.
- Go to a lake house getaway.
- Try every flavor of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream.
- Eat at a five star restaurant.
- Play hide and seek at Ikea…it just looks fun. hahah.
- Take a road trip down Route 66.
- Own a beach house.
- Go kayaking.
- Stay in a five star hotel.
- Be able to own something nice for myself…a nice piece of jewelry, or a nice bag. I never treat myself to anything nice or expensive.
- Own my own business…even if it’s just a small one.
- Try and dabble in everything until I find my one, true passion in life.
- Fly on a private jet.
- Go to a wine tasting.
- Become completely in touch with who I really am.
- Live a long, happy, fulfilling life. :))