It’s perfectly okay to be sad, and it’s okay to admit it. If something doesn’t work out the way you wanted it to, it’s alright to be afraid and to be sad. Sure, everything happens for a reason, and everything works out in the end, but in the given moment, being upset is okay. You don’t have to hide it or fight it…it doesn’t make you any less of a person, and you should never be ashamed of it. We’re only human and we can’t fight inevitable feelings or emotions. The more you fight it, the more you’re only hurting yourself. The next time something may not turn out the way you wanted it to, let your guard down, accept that you’re not happy at that exact moment, talk to someone you love about it, and maybe even cry a little. Sometimes even though you should always look to God to help you through your hardships, other people are also a huge help. Venting and crying to someone you love, here in the physical world, can help more than you think. Sadness doesn’t equal weakness. And it DEFINITELY does NOT equal the absence of faith. It is possible to be sad about a certain situation and still having faith and knowing that everything will work out in the end. Just food for thought.
I’ve touched lightly on this topic a few times on my blog, and here I am with another vague post regarding it. Honestly, I just need to vent again, and I really have no one in my personal life I can talk about this to. Well, maybe I do. But I’m just scared to. It’s super personal to me. And super scary. But I feel like I’m lying to myself, and like I’m hiding something..because I pretty much am. And I really wish I could come clean, but a bad reaction would be even worse than feeling how I feel now. I just hate not knowing. I wish I knew if the reaction would be a bad one. I feel like this is right and this is how it’s supposed to be. But that doesn’t always mean it is. Is it worth doing something about? It’s not worth the potential risk…nothing is. But at the same time, nothing will ever happen if I never do anything about it. And I can’t keep wondering and not knowing. Living like this is killing me. I have to fess up, but I really don’t know if I should. If I come clean, and ruin what I’m so scared to in the process, I’ll be so upset. I just wish this didn’t have to be so complicated. I wish my brain didn’t have to go and change the way I feel. I wish that I didn’t feel the way I do. But it’s one of those things I can’t control. The ball is in my court and I’m SO confused. I literally have no idea what I should do. God, please help me. Help me make the right decision that’s best for me. My thoughts are telling me two different things and I don’t know which one to listen to.
Just do it!
Reminding myself that if something is worth it, then just do it. At least you can say you tried. But it’s never going to get better by just sitting there wishing it would. You say you care? Prove it. Take the initiative and just do it.
Change used to be something I ran away from…I was terrified of it. If things were good in my life, and I was happy, why would I want to change that? I realized, though, change is inevitable and can be a good thing. How do you ever expect to learn and grow as a person if you run from change? Now, I embrace change…I really strive every day to be the best person I can be. I want to learn all I can and experience all I can. I want to grow into the best version of myself possible, and none of that is possible without learning to accept change. Change is a good thing.
However, in my opinion anyway, change can also be a bad thing…sometimes, anyway. Not all change is good, and that still scares me. I feel like my life has changed a lot in the past few months, and I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s good change. It scares me. It scares me to think that this is my life now…for the time being. It especially hurts when I think back to how good things were and how happy I was before these past few months, and I look at my life now. What happened?! Why did things have to go and drastically change? I don’t understand…it almost seemed like an overnight thing; you know, fine one minute, terrible the next? I don’t like this type of change. It’s doing nothing to help me as a person, and doing everything to hurt me. I can only hope this is just a road block, a detour, a little bump in the road…not a dead end like things have been in the past.
I’ve been in little ruts before..many times, and I’ve always gotten out. I’ve never had a rut that lasted so long before, though…last time I felt like this, it lasted for nearly two years, and most definitely wasn’t a “rut”…it was full blown change; awful change at that. And I pray to God this is not the case this time. I so desperately hope things go back to normal soon…and when I say normal, I mean the way things were AT LEAST three or four months ago, so I can get back to being me. I won’t accept this as my life now, but there’s only so much I can do about it…there’s only so much that’s in my control, and right now, nothing is really in my control. I don’t really feel like this is a matter of a mindset thing, I mean, sure my mindset needs fixing, but that’s not the root of the issue. I feel like external parts of my life have changed, and therefore, caused my mindset to change. The ball is not in my court. So I guess I just have to wait…and hope, and pray that everything works out the way I want it to and that things do in fact, go back to normal. That this “change” isn’t really a “change,” but merely just a little pause, or bump in the road. Please. I can’t handle this being my new life. I won’t settle.