It’s okay to be sad…

It’s perfectly okay to be sad, and it’s okay to admit it. If something doesn’t work out the way you wanted it to, it’s alright to be afraid and to be sad. Sure, everything happens for a reason, and everything works out in the end, but in the given moment, being upset is okay. You don’t have to hide it or fight it…it doesn’t make you any less of a person, and you should never be ashamed of it. We’re only human and we can’t fight inevitable feelings or emotions. The more you fight it, the more you’re only hurting yourself. The next time something may not turn out the way you wanted it to, let your guard down, accept that you’re not happy at that exact moment, talk to someone you love about it, and maybe even cry a little. Sometimes even though you should always look to God to help you through your hardships, other people are also a huge help. Venting and crying to someone you love, here in the physical world, can help more than you think. Sadness doesn’t equal weakness. And it DEFINITELY does NOT equal the absence of faith. It is possible to be sad about a certain situation and still having faith and knowing that everything will work out in the end. Just food for thought.

Waiting for pigs to fly…

Coming to terms with the fact that one of the things that you want more than anything will probably never happen, is one of the hardest things…so hard, in fact, that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to lose hope for it. It just sucks because part of me knows I’m wasting my time waiting for pigs to fly, but I want this. SO badly. And I feel so strongly that this is right for me, but so far, it doesn’t look like it’s ever going to happen…and that scares me.

Failure leads to success…

It is true what they say; failure does, in fact, lead to success. A quote I’ve lived by for the past two years, but sometimes, after so many failures, you begin to wonder if that’s actually true. Is everyone meant to succeed? Will everyone eventually have their time to shine? At least I wondered that, anyway. Finding a job has been a tedious task, to say the least…especially in the past two years.

Being a college student, it’s only natural to want to work, make your own money, and gain independence to prepare yourself for the real, adult world. But for me, just finding a part-time job seemed next to impossible. Every application I turned in, and every interview I went on seemed like playing the lottery. Being a young adult in her early 20’s with her only job experience being a three month long summer job in New York three years ago, where my aunt was the manager, I wasn’t exactly in “high-demand,” if you will. The fact that I’m also barley 80 pounds, four foot, eight inches, have quite severe scoliosis, and look like I’m about thirteen year old, didn’t help much, either. Managers tended to not take me seriously because of how young I looked and my physical disabilities. I just needed someone to look past my physical qualities. They didn’t affect my work ethic, or my skill…they’re just physical. Other than that, I’m a normal person, who lives her life…well, normally. I can do anything anyone else can, and have just as much work ethic as anyone else. I’m a very independent person, and I’ve never been one to let a silly disability that effects nothing but my height get in my way. I just needed that one chance, that one manager, to see past that, and see me for who I really am.

So for the past two years, I struggled. Relying on my parents, and sometimes even very generous friends to help me financially. I hated that; I felt like I burden. I didn’t want to be that girl who just mooched off everyone around me. While all my friends were out working, I was sitting at home, alone, by myself feeling like a loser with no life. And with parents who constantly put me down for not working, like it was something I chose, it really put a damper on my self esteem.

For the past two years, a very, very generous, kind, and helpful friend of mine has helped me SO much in trying to find a job. From recruiting me to potential employers, helping me fill out applications, giving me tips and advice for job interviews, tough-love, and really just encouraging me to keep trying and reminding me that failure does lead to success, and that one day, God is going to give me the perfect job for me. And that honestly meant so much.

After an almost two year feat, last week, my friend, who works at Starbucks, texted me and told me to fill out an application to the new Starbucks location opening up in our area. The manager of that store, is temporarily working at his store, until the new location opens up. He talked to her about me, and I filled out the application. Within 30 minutes of submitting it online, I got a phone call from the manager asking me to come in for an interview later on in the week. The interview went great, and the managers made me feel really comfortable.Two days later, I got a phone call from her saying that I got the job! FINALLY! I was so excited…and didn’t really believe it at first…I had been waiting TWO YEARS for this day, and was finally here!

I instantly called my friend and told him the good news and he shared just as much excitement as I did. We finally did it! I say “we” because I do believe that he’s been such a big part of my journey in finding a job and I don’t think I could have done it without him. I believe that God helped me find a job through him, and I’m so thankful. Not for just landing me a job, but for being there for me along the way and encouraging me to keep trying, not to give up, and reminding me that God will give me the right job at the right time; that my moment will eventually come, and that sometimes failure makes the best success stories.

It’s not the “success” that makes people inspired; it’s the journey, the rocky road, the roller coaster, and the failure that all come first that make the story, and make it inspirational. God doesn’t just hand out success; he won’t give you anything that you can’t handle, so you just have to put your trust and faith into him and know that he WILL give you what is best for you when the timing is right. You just need a little patience. Two years ago, I don’t think I could have handled this, really…I don’t think I was mentally ready. But I am now. God does know what he’s doing. You just have to trust. I’m a little scared, and nervous, but I’m also excited and I can’t wait to see where this takes me. I hope it’s a good, and most importantly, a happy journey for me. If you’re struggling with a similar situation, just remember, eventually failure does lead to success. It may take time, but just have faith and believe that when the timing is right, it WILL happen for you when it’s meant to be. It took me two years, but I finally did it. And you can, too! I believe in you. My friend was right, and I’m SO thankful for everything he’s done for me to help make my career goals a reality.

30 Day Blog Challenge Day 7!

Day 7: Views on Religion. 

For me, my religion has always been something that I never really open up about or talk about, and frankly, I don’t really know why. Maybe because it’s just something I feel is very personal to me. I do think most people would be surprised to know how important my faith actually is to me. I was raised Roman Catholic. I grew up going to church every Sunday and going to a youth group every wednesday night as a child. I went to Christian summer camps, and have always credited God a million percent for my whole existence. I was born very ill…countless medical problems, birth defects, and what should have been fatal illnesses. Doctors told my parents I wouldn’t survive the first 24 hours of my life, and once I did, they said that there was no hope for me to ever live a normal life. Obviously the doctors were wrong, and here I am 22 years later living an extremely normal life despite everything. I COMPLETELY believe that my mom’s prayers, and God are the only reasons I made it and that I’m still here today. God has made so many miracles happen for me my whole life…nonbelievers can say that it was all the doctors and science all they want, but I know  it was God. When I was twelve, we found out that I needed an emergency skull reconstructive surgery…basically, it was brain surgery. Needless to say I was beyond scared. My mom and I got home and prayed that night, and asked God to perform the surgery, and to let me be okay. A few days later at school, it was my last day at school before my surgery. My math teacher gave me a card before I left school that day, and when I got home that night, I read it with my mom. In the card, my teacher had written, “my prayers are with you during this hard time. Please do not be afraid…everything is going to be okay, God is with you and his hands will be performing the surgery. You’re going to be okay.” I kid you not. If that’s not a sign, I don’t know what is. God has saved my life many other times…he’s helped me through the dark times in my life, and has blessed me with so many wonderful things in life. I guess it’s kind of bad that I don’t talk openly about my faith…and honestly, I’m kind of awkward when it comes to talking about it. I think I’m so used to keeping it to myself that I just don’t know how to talk about it. I was always taught not to shove my faith down other people’s throats and to respect the fact that different people have different beliefs. I’m very accepting towards other religions and I’d never want to offend anyone because I know how it feels. Growing up, I had a neighborhood friend who took me to her “Christian” church one day. There, I was told that because I was Catholic, and did not belong to their denomination, that I was going to hell. Mind you, I was only nine years old. I remember going home and crying because I was so scared of going to hell. I never want to make anyone else feel inferior because they have different beliefs than mine. But it’s gotten to the point that I don’t even talk about my faith with people with the same beliefs as me…and maybe that is because of it being so personal to me. I also think that because my mom and I stopped going to church about four or five years ago might also have something to do with it. But nonetheless, whether I fall out of my faith a bit, or keep it to myself, it will always be the most important thing in my life, and I’ll always find my way back to God in the end. He’s the one behind everything. No one else. He makes everything possible, and I’ll never ever forget that. I think religion is an amazing thing, no matter what religion you are. It provides a sense of peace, and love that absolutely nothing else can provide. As long as you have God, you have everything in my opinion. And no matter what phase I am in my life, what I’m going through, or what I have, I always pray, every single night and thank God for everything I do have and ask him to continue to help me through everything. No matter what his plan for me is, I know everything is going to fall into place and work out in the end. I’d be so broken and empty without my faith or religion, and I can’t imagine how people without a religion must feel. I have no judgement, but to me, it’s just weird and empty.