I’m so confused…

I’ve touched lightly on this topic a few times on my blog, and here I am with another vague post regarding it. Honestly, I just need to vent again, and I really have no one in my personal life I can talk about this to. Well, maybe I do. But I’m just scared to. It’s super personal to me. And super scary. But I feel like I’m lying to myself, and like I’m hiding something..because I pretty much am. And I really wish I could come clean, but a bad reaction would be even worse than feeling how I feel now. I just hate not knowing. I wish I knew if the reaction would be a bad one. I feel like this is right and this is how it’s supposed to be. But that doesn’t always mean it is. Is it worth doing something about? It’s not worth the potential risk…nothing is. But at the same time, nothing will ever happen if I never do anything about it. And I can’t keep wondering and not knowing. Living like this is killing me. I have to fess up, but I really don’t know if I should. If I come clean, and ruin what I’m so scared to in the process, I’ll be so upset. I just wish this didn’t have to be so complicated. I wish my brain didn’t have to go and change the way I feel. I wish that I didn’t feel the way I do. But it’s one of those things I can’t control. The ball is in my court and I’m SO confused. I literally have no idea what I should do. God, please help me. Help me make the right decision that’s best for me. My thoughts are telling me two different things and I don’t know which one to listen to.

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