That’s what I get for burying my emotions…

I think once you start hiding something for so long, and go into denial for so long, the effects turn out to be negative. Sure, I accomplished what I so badly tried to. I hid what I wanted to, and kept this a secret, but I think I hid it so well that the effects are actually starting to have a negative outcome. Now that I’m ready for it to be known, hiding it may have hurt me because now it may be too late, and I have no one but myself to blame for that one. But the real problem lays in that the people I hid this from already have this misconception to what’s going on inside my head so now changing their mind, about what’s going on inside my mind will be extremely hard to do. Especially because just being upfront and just saying what I need to scares me beyond belief. I know I’m being really vague here, but I’m just not ready to come clean and say exactly what it is just yet. I want the people involved to kind of find out for themselves, but being that they can’t read my mind, that’s pretty impossible. It’s like I want them to know, but I don’t want to say anything. And I know that sounds childish and immature, but I’m just trying to guard myself because I’m so terrified to come clean. But it’s beginning to become harder and harder to hide, so sometime in the near future I will probably spill the beans. I can only hope and pray the outcome doesn’t end how I desperately fear it will. I can do this.

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