I’ve got a secret, and I’m terrified…

Okay, so lately…I honestly don’t even know. It sucks hiding something for so long; having a huge secret. I’ve carried this with me for a while now, and at first it was super easy to hide, being that I didn’t even want to feel the way I do. I was simply living in denial. And I was very happy with how things were, anyway. But now, I’m totally out of being in denial. I’ve come to the conclusion that this is how I feel…whether I want to feel this way or not, I do, and I guess I just have to accept that. And suddenly what I have, isn’t enough. You see, some things have changed…a lot, actually. And I miss SO terribly what has changed. And I want it back. And maybe it’s my fault. I wanted to keep this a secret so badly, that in the process, it may have come across as me not caring, or me pushing away. Because I didn’t want it to show that I actually do care. So that I don’t get hurt. But honestly, I’m just scared. But I’m tired of keeping a secret. It’s becoming painful to hold to keep it. Reflecting on how things used to be hurts. And sometimes I really consider coming clean…about everything. Spilling it all out and taking this HUGE weight off my shoulders. But I’m terrified because I know I’m not going to get the result I’m longing after. But maybe I’ll feel better if I come clean? Or maybe I’ll just live in regret for ruining something extremely important to me. I just miss how things used to be. I miss when what I had was enough to keep me happy even though it wasn’t fully what I wanted. Now I’m just left feeling hurt. And I have no idea what to do. Help me. How the hell am I supposed to reveal this huge secret?? It could change everything…maybe for the better, but probably for the worse…on my part, anyway. I’m so scared.


2 thoughts on “I’ve got a secret, and I’m terrified…

    • Hahah well, it’s personal…that’s why I haven’t directly said it. It’s nothing bad, but it just has to do with the way I feel about something specific and it’s just has been something that has been on my mind quite a bit and I’m starting to come more to terms with how I feel. I did make a post talking about it specifically and coming clean, I guess, but I decided to private the post because I wasn’t ready to fully put it out there just yet. Maybe one day I will.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s