Sometimes the thing you thought you didn’t want becomes the thing you want the most…

What do you do when it all changes? When suddenly the way you feel or think about a certain situation causes you to see things differently? When something you thought you didn’t want suddenly becomes something you do want and you start wanting something you didn’t think you did? What happens then? It’s confusing as hell, that’s what. I wish it wasn’t so complicated. I wish I didn’t want this, but the truth is, I do. And I have for a while now, but I’ve just been living in denial because I so badly didn’t want to feel the way I do, or want this. And to be completely honest, I still don’t want to want this, or feel this way, but I really can’t change that I do. I can’t help it. So I guess I just have to accept the fact that this is what I want. So this is me saying, yes, I do feel this way, and no, I can’t help it, and this is what I want. But this is where it gets scary because now I don’t know what to do about actually getting what I want. Because that would mean facing a HUGE fear.

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