I thought I could handle this…

I really thought I could handle this…I really didn’t expect this to bother me so much. I thought that I could just not think about it, move on, and everything would be fine. But I can’t. Believe me, I’ve tried. I’ve tried SO hard. And I really don’t know how much longer I can keep this a secret, before I just say it. Blurt it out. And have it out in the open. But saying something won’t change anything…not for my benefit, anyway. Things will just get worse, and I could lose something so important to me. But not saying something will kill me, too. I might still have what’s so important to me, but I’d have to live in regret while I just sit back and watch, and wonder what could have happened if I would have spoke up when I had the chance. Is everything worth saying? Are some things better left unsaid? Ugh. I really did not expect this to be me. I’m not that girl. This has never happened before. I mean, I knew it obviously would eventually, but why now? Why can’t I just be happy with what I have? Why is this just not enough? All I know is what I want, I’m 1,000% sure this is what I want, and I may never get it…and that bothers me more than it should, or more than I want it to anyway, and I really don’t know how much longer I can keep it to myself. I’m SO confused.

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